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Photo from Brooklyn Teen Challenge archives

I love this photo!

This is my Grandma Wilkerson. She is my father’s mother, and this photo captures her familiar smile and an expression that I remember fondly.

I smile when I think about her. She was such a unique woman.

I was blessed with two very different grandmothers. I unfortunately never knew my grandfathers, so my grandmothers were what I knew of both sides of my family heritage.

I had the privilege of experiencing the typical “cookie grandma” on my mother’s side. Oh, how I still recall the smell of warm pies and homemade donuts in Grammie Hudson’s house. (I wrote about her here.)  She was kind of like your storybook grandmother. Her delicious home cooked meals, her crocheted handmade gifts, the rocking chair that rocked countless babies, and her long arthritic fingers that would cup my chin in her hands and offer up kisses. I am fighting back the tears remembering her. I miss Grammie Hudson!

But Grandma Wilkerson was a different sort of grandmother, and I learned to appreciate her for being atypical. I laugh remembering how she would offer up whatever I could find in her refrigerator to eat; which was usually an overripe slice of watermelon and a 2-liter bottle of flat Dr. Pepper. I don’t recall a rocking chair in her house. But I do recall her tattered and overused Bible on the coffee table. I remember staying with her as a young teenager and waking up to hear her humming church hymns in her room as she was getting ready for the day. My Grandma Wilkerson was a woman of deep faith and anyone who had the privilege of knowing her, found this out very quickly.

She was also a stubborn woman and would offer up her opinions regularly even when uncalled for. But any family member would tell you, that what Grandma Wilkerson lacked in motherly affection she made up for on her knees in prayer. She fought many family battles through her worn Bible and her private time with God.

When I was writing my book, Giving Hope an Address, about my family and the founding of the Teen Challenge ministry, Grandma came to mind often. I wrote about her in my story, but my book chronicles her in a time before I was born. I was the youngest of the grandchildren, so I knew an older Ann Wilkerson than I had written in my book.

But let me back up a little in my thoughts to get you to the point of this blog post…

Before I wrote my book, that shares the legacy of the Teen Challenge ministry and the legacy of the Wilkerson family, I had to come to terms with that dreaded word called legacy. I hated that word and everything I thought it represented.

To me, legacy carried every painful family experience, every character flaw I saw in family members, every expectation that family did not live up to in my mind, and I let it all root in my heart.  And it grew into bitterness and resentment. I let walls build up inside me, and each wall cast a shadow against the words family, legacy, and even ministry.

But praise God, the walls are gone! How?—By God showing me in His mercy my true family story.

He graciously and lovingly reminded me that the story I was to write was not about me. It was about God and how He uses all of us—despite our flaws—to write a bigger story as followers of Christ. A gospel story.

If you call yourself a follower of Christ, you immediately join a much bigger family. Legacy is your day-to-day interactions with those around you: family, friends, church members, those you work with… the list goes on. Legacy is how we live out the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is not pride in our heritage or anger from a dysfunctional upbringing. Legacy is the grace of God that reminds me; it’s not about me.  There is a much bigger picture to legacy, and it is rooted in our faithful obedience and love for God. And yes, even in the obedience through our painful family circumstances.

I was recently reminded of this bigger picture through this beautiful example.

In the late 1960’s, Grandma Wilkerson had a coffee-house ministry in Greenwich Village, Manhattan. (I know, cool right?!) She told a man named Kurt Haas about the saving power of Jesus Christ, and his life was forever changed. He recently left this Facebook post next to Mom Wilkerson’s (as she was called) photo:

Photo taken from Kurt Haas.

“Wherever we go in life we leave footprints, whether they be good or bad, and 49 years ago on September 14, 1969, Mom Wilkerson left not only her footprints in my life but lovingly, after many months of sharing the love of Christ with me, she led me to the Master’s feet. Yes, Mom believed in me and never gave up on me. Thanks, Mom for sharing the light with me. Now I am sharing it with others.”   

 

 

Kurt has served the Lord faithfully for many years as a prison chaplain. He recently told me that when my grandmother was alive, he would often send her flowers to commemorate the day she brought him to the knowledge of the saving power of Jesus Christ.

That, my friends, is legacy!

I’ll continue to recall all the fond memories of Grandma Wilkerson. They’ll probably be mixed in with her quirks and stubborn ways, but the most important thing she’ll remind me of is the real definition of the word legacy. She lived that out in her life.

This quote reminded me of Grandma:

“The central ingredient to a divine legacy is godliness: to know God, to walk in His ways, and to teach future generations who He is.” (Kelly Minter)

And the most significant thing about that word legacy is that you don’t need to have children to offer that to the world.

Our stories, our family legacies, they are all linked by the cord of the gospel. God will continue to use imperfect people for His will and His glory. And I am so thankful that He does despite my often limited God view.

 

 

To read more about my family’s “bigger picture legacy story,” you can buy my book

on Amazon

or at Barnes & Noble.

 

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

My son’s middle school does something that I love. Every semester the school hands out character value awards to nominated students.  A student is chosen by a teacher for displaying the following values: commitment, integrity, respect, and responsibility.

I’ll take a minute to brag that my children have received one of those awards on occasion. As a parent, it’s nice for your child to be recognized for character traits that you work hard to instill and model in your home. It is also a refreshing way to acknowledge a student outside the  academic world where everything seems to focus on test scores and grade point averages.

But I have to admit something, it feels like a lie. If character matters, why is it so rarely recognized and esteemed in the adult world?

You might be living under a rock if you don’t feel the great divide and hatred between people over political beliefs and social opinions. It’s intense and social media doesn’t help.

But this post isn’t about specific political opinions or pointing blame at groups, individuals, or even how we have allowed hateful discourse to fill all types of forums in our society. This post is how do we— as parents—teach our children values that they carry with them into adulthood? How do we—as parents— encourage our children to respect others who believe differently than us? How do we do this in the face of what seems like a character-less society?

I think I have the answer, but it is not easy. It requires some work in values like commitment, responsibility, respect, and even integrity. Are you ready? Drum roll….

Encourage your children to form friendships with others who think differently than them. *Gasp!

My husband and I have tried to instill our values in our children. We are a family that discusses faith, politics, and cultural issues-ad nauseam sometimes. We don’t shy away from talking about relevant topics, and we guide our kids to think through issues for themselves. I can’t express how important it is to have these types of discussions in your home.

But do you know where my kids begin to develop their opinions and beliefs fully? Not from us. Yes, we guide them on where to start their foundation of thinking, but they find their voice from talking to their friends who believe differently than them. It’s also where they have learned how to respect others and how to value friendships.

I have been encouraged by watching my children form relationships with others who think and believe very differently than they do. It’s encouraging to notice a bond grow where political or religious beliefs are not factors in their friendships. Some come from families who believe very differently than our family. But these friends have found a commonality between them. It’s a unity not driven by political, cultural, or social stances.

Now I realize that young people (under 18) don’t vote and some don’t understand the ramifications of political choices, yet.  But they do understand the value of respect and the commitment to friendship.

But I don’t see this type of respect in society today. In fact, I think we are getting further and further away from it. It’s like we have lost that child-like ability to see each other as humans first before our political or social belief systems.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

I wonder, will those kids—that bond of friendship— dissolve after high school when they notice the real world likes to congregate in bubble think groups—where collectivism reigns above individualism especially on college campuses? Will they forget about respecting people for the bond of friendship itself outside of political or religious affiliations? Will character values still matter?

I admit I like congregating with friends who think like me. It is nice having “amen” corners and sharing thoughts with people who agree with me. But here’s the lesson. You don’t grow in character in “amen” corners.  You don’t challenge yourself to have empathy and respect for others by congregating in groupthink communities. I have learned to stand firm in my beliefs and convictions not from friends who hold my ideals but from those who have challenged my beliefs. Character traits form in the face of opposition.  I am grateful for friends and family that have forced me to think for myself. It has helped me to grow and mature in my character.

The political divisiveness in this country is ugly, but it is not a political problem. It is a cultural problem. We solve it by choosing to emphasize character first and befriending people both inside and outside of our comfortable circles. It doesn’t mean we have to compromise our personal beliefs, but it is about making the conscious effort to respect people for being just that—people—before their politics or social stances. That takes a bit of work, and it requires an exercise in character. But maybe if we model that for our kids, and we keep rewarding them for it, they will continue to form bonds of friendships which are based on character and not on divisive idealism.

I have hope for our future. I have hope for my kids and the next generation. Let’s take a step back and make a commitment to put character where it needs to be.  First!

For our kids’ sake!

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baby-holding-finger

All it takes is a “like”, a nod, or a thumbs-up to point to the value of life in the womb.

Sometimes the strongest messages of life are accidental. They are chance happenings. An Instagram photo of a pregnant belly at week number 30, a video of unborn twins moving in a mother’s womb, a Facebook post of “We’re Pregnant” after a friend’s struggle with infertility or a blog of that designer’s nursery with a beautifully decorated room for their youngest client.

Nods of life happen all around us. We give a thumbs-up to a post, we hit that heart emoji, and we embrace a culture of life unintentionally. It’s because at the heart of our human condition we intrinsically know the value of life. We immediately react to those double lines on a pregnancy test because we know what incredible gift a baby is to the world.

It’s true that we are also surrounded by intentional messages such as political slogans, hashtag movements, campaigns, or purposefully driven memes that point away from the beauty of life. But the older you get, the more you understand that the greatest lessons are not from the calculated moments but from the accidental or spontaneous instances that add to a person’s life story.

We don’t have to look very far to see inadvertent messages that point to life. I am encouraged that many, unintentionally, are pointing to the value of life in the womb. They are not politically driven or planned pro-life stances. But they are spontaneous moments that speak to the sanctity of life.

May we celebrate the unintentional-deliberately- to highlight life inside and outside the womb!

Here is one example:
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mirror

(This is an updated blog post because we all need this reminder some days.)

Remember in Snow White when the evil Queen says, “Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” What a blow to her self-image to learn that the fairest was Snow White. We have all been like that Queen, looking in the mirror for answers. I think it is safe to say that we are the most critical of ourselves when we are looking in the mirror. When I was a new mother, I learned a valuable lesson about my self-image and looking for answers in the mirror.

I struggled as a teenager and up into my twenties with my looks and my confidence. I never liked what I saw in the mirror and was always trying to find ways to improve how I looked. I don’t know if a day would go by when I didn’t think about my weight, my hair, my clothes and my need to feel worthy of the image I set in my mind of how I should look. Now, I know many people can relate to my struggle. Low self-image is exhausting to live with, both as the person struggling and those that have to deal with it on a daily basis with you. My husband could only take so much of my constant questioning on how I looked and one day he set me straight.

I was having one of my many insecure days and complaining about how I looked. My husband said to me, “Every day that you question yourself and me about how you look, you chip away at your own daughters’ confidence and self-worth.”  Wow! It was like the light bulb finally turned on in my head. It was one thing for me to feel personally insecure but I did not want to make both of my daughters see themselves through my insecurity. I also realized that not only was I driving my husband crazy, but I was dishonoring God who created me. I started to understand that God sees me the same way I look upon my children.

All mothers view their children with biased eyes. There is nothing you would change about who they are in appearances. Each child has a little bit of the mother or father, and each is unique in his or her own way. God is biased, too. He wouldn’t change a thing about you because he made you in His image. I realized that I wasn’t only chipping away at my self-confidence, but I was separating myself from fully feeling the love of Christ.

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I am raising my children in a world that values image above character. They are learning that the world around them focuses on beauty, weight, fitness, and popularity. In the age of social media and selfies, it seems we can’t escape self-obsession. If there is one thing that I can do right by my children, it is to look at myself with confidence and be proud of who God created me to be.  This might mean I have to grin and bear it when I put on a few extra pounds. I have to realize that my increasingly graying hair and wrinkles are all a part of the process of my God-given image. There may be days that I look in the mirror, and I don’t like what I see. However, I have learned that it isn’t about me. It is about my children who need to feel loved and confident. It is about my relationship with Christ and feeling worthy of the honor of His creation–Me!

My children will have days of doubt and insecurity (we all do on occasion), but now I know that I do not want to be an example of insecurity in their lives. I want them to understand that Mom is happy with who God created her to be- at every stage of life- and they should be too. I no longer dwell on the things I cannot change, so that my children will realize they were created with a purpose both inside and out.

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marriage

This is a blog that I don’t know how to write. I don’t feel qualified to write about this topic, and I realize it’s a sensitive issue to many people. So I am going to do my best to just share my heart on a matter that I genuinely care about. I hope in my weak attempt to share my perspective, you read the grace between the lines and not the judgment.

For the last month or so, the title of this blog has been going through my head over and over again. It’s been screaming at me.

Adultery is a big deal!

Over the last couple of years I have watched adultery creep into people’s lives and make a mess of things. Children have been emotionally wounded, marriages have ended in divorce, and people have walked away from God.

Adultery is a big deal!

I have seen how one act of adultery can affect a group of people. What might have seemed like a private act of  attraction between two people then catapulted into a situation that affected many people’s lives.

Adultery is a big deal!

I’ve been told that I don’t understand the situation surrounding the events. I’ve gotten the response, “you can’t judge unless you have been in my situation.” Marriage is hard and attraction happens.

Marriage is a big deal!

There is a reason why one of the Ten Commandments says, “Do not commit adultery.” God put in place the protection from this grievous sin so that lives would not be destroyed. Jesus went even further to teach about lust in one’s heart. We are all sinners, but we all are faced with the choice to act on sin. Sin destroys and grieves the heart of God.

Sin is a big deal!

But on the flip side of adultery is redemption. I have seen marriages that were wrecked by the sin of adultery completely transformed by the grace of God. I have witnessed families restored and watched a husband and wife devoted to each other in a loving marriage which was once destined for divorce. God is the healer and restorer of broken relationships. There is forgiveness for adultery. There is healing.

God is a big deal!

I hate adultery. I hate divorce. I hate how it destroys families. And I hate that so often people are not willing to fight for their marriages. Sure, maybe I don’t know “your situation.” But I know God. When we allow God to break down the walls of sin and let forgiveness in, He is more than able to do miraculous things. God thinks your marriage is a big deal. He will fight with you to restore it. But He has to be at the center of it. Don’t give in to the lie in our society that adultery or divorce is no big deal. Hold on to Scripture. Walk in the truth of God’s Word. His Commandments are to protect us from sin and the hurt that brings hopelessness. He is the hope for your marriage.

I have witnessed a casualness towards divorce and adultery in the Church. It grieves my heart. But how much more does it grieve the heart of God?

I know every marriage, every situation, every struggle is different. But I just wish we could start screaming out loud with a warning —Adultery is a big deal! And then wrap our loving arms around our friends in their hurting marriages and encourage them that their Marriage is a big deal. Maybe that’s too simplistic and idealistic. But I don’t care because I serve a God who is bigger than all it.

 

 

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I wasn’t shocked.

The article tagline by CBS News kept popping up on my Twitter newsfeed. It read: “Iceland is on pace to virtually eliminate Down syndrome through abortion.”

The best response was by actress and prolife advocate Patricia Heaton:

She is correct. The headline just confirmed the horrific statistics of what many of us in the pro-life community already know regarding the rates of abortion especially concerning a T21 (Down syndrome) diagnosis.

It’s not just Iceland. Research has shown that France has a 96% abortion rate for babies diagnosed with Down syndrome in the womb. The UK reports rates as high as 92% to 100%. Then there’s the United States where a 2012 study found that 61% to 93% of babies diagnosed with T21 in the womb have resulted in abortions.

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Photo Credit: Kelly Vandivert

The news from Iceland and the abortion rates immediately made me think of my friend Kelly and her beautiful daughter Eva. Kelly and her husband Eric are proud parents of two children, Ian and Eva. When Kelly was pregnant with Eva, she was diagnosed with T21 early in her pregnancy. I remember her posts on Facebook about the experience she went through when Kelly and Eric were first given the results.

I wanted to interview her about the recent Iceland headlines and get her thoughts on the country’s results of “eradicating” Down syndrome births through abortion. Instead, she wrote to me a beautiful testimony of life, redemption from shame, and about being a society that embraces the beauty of God-given life in all circumstances.

The title of the CBS News article posed the question, “What kind of society do you want to live in?” I ask that you read Kelly’s heartfelt words in their entirety, and ask yourself that same question. Words are never more powerful than when they come from the courage to speak the truth in love and from a personal experience that guides others toward freedom.

 

When I think about Iceland and the abortion rates there, here, etc., I think of worth. Specifically, who is worthy of life? 

Honestly, I don’t often feel that I am worthy. I have been given this gift, this life, and I often fall short of living a life without fear. A life of freedom, a life I am meant to live. I stay wrapped in fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of standing out when I’m supposed to fit in, and fear of fitting in when I’m supposed to stand out. I let the outside ugly clamor of the masses dictate who I am some days and I despise myself for allowing it. I get worked up about money, friends, family, appearance, my house… But I’m learning that my worth has nothing to do with that. My worth lies within something bigger than myself. It’s in the very thing that ties us all together. We are all the same no matter where our IQ ranks, what salary we rake in, our skin color, or what size we wear. It’s in our common humanity.  

The fact is, we all struggle through this world and we all play a part. We are not a society of individuals. We are a family. We are children of God.  

So why does anyone feel they have the right to decide who gets to live and who doesn’t? For those who think this boils down to pro-choice or pro-life, I disagree. It’s beyond that. From what I know, people who have abortions do so because they don’t feel prepared or able to care for a child. Perhaps they’re shamed into hiding an unintended pregnancy in the first place. Or they have no help, no support and are afraid. I would know. I was there once. And because of it, I don’t agree with abortion. It robs you of peace and fills you with shame. At least it has me. So when I was faced with a choice to abort at 12 weeks in a PLANNED pregnancy with my second child, I was appalled.  

My husband, Eric, and I were told that there was something wrong at my 12th week. I was given a 1 in 4 chance that my baby had a chromosomal disorder, BUT most likely something terminal and not T21 (Down syndrome or DS). We opted to do a CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling) to test part of the placenta. Before the procedure, Eric and I talked about a diagnosis of T21 as a relief and not a worry. So when we received the results of T21, we were hopeful.  

When I began to read of the high abortion rates of diagnosed pregnancies with DS, I started to fear for my unborn child. Would she be rejected? Would people make fun of her? Why did so many people abort at the same time of pregnancy and diagnosis that we found ourselves in? And why did a genetic counselor HAVE to tell me how they would abort the baby should I decide later to have an abortion. Later? I thought I was at the cut-off deadline where even the “pro-choicers” agreed that the tiny baby in my womb was, in fact, a baby? But despite my request that she stop with the abortion details, she continued to describe that my baby’s heartbeat would be stopped somehow and then medicine would induce labor, etc. The counselor told me I had several weeks to decide, and if I changed my mind- past Virginia’s abortion time frame- she could inform me of which state to go to for a late term abortion.  

I was never asked if I wanted to meet a family with a child with Down syndrome. I didn’t learn about any websites or resources. All I was given was a little pamphlet about T21. I remember there was this beautiful little girl on the cover of the brochure. She had blonde hair and the sweetest face. I carried that pamphlet with me for months during my pregnancy. And I wasn’t concerned about what was in it. No, I was busy praying that my daughter would be as cute as that little girl. Not because it mattered to me, but I thought that if she had light hair and light eyes that she would be more easily accepted. That people would overlook her “different” features which today mesmerize me. I prayed for her not to look too different so people would like her. Awful. I know. Prior to this, I had no thoughts about anyone with special needs being subjected to judgment or whether they were worthy of life.  

Let me refer back to my abortion again. I believe abortion is selfish. But I never considered it to be about whether a life was worthy to be born. It was about my failure, my inabilities, and my sins. I can point to where those lies were learned…. but it won’t erase history to dwell on those lies. No. Abortion is wrapped up in self. This thing, this choice about aborting a child with T21- it’s about worth. It’s judgment. It’s putting one’s self above another. It’s not about feeling inadequate or ashamed but superior. Maybe those who’ve made that choice would disagree. But I stand on it. If you tried and wanted a child and then received a diagnosis-that’s judgment. That baby is a baby as it’s almost the end of the first trimester. Most agree on that one fact.  

I watched on that sonogram as a stranger stuck a needle close to the sack in my womb. I watched my Eva kick away from that needle, she knew something was a danger to her. She was trying to get away. She was thinking, her heart was beating, and she has worthy back then as much as she is today. Even Eric cried watching during the procedure, and that is a rarity. There was this tiny, vulnerable child. This procedure was done two days after my screening. How many people ever actually test to confirm the screenings but go ahead with the abortion anyway? They can and have been so wrong.  

I’m rambling, but I have so many thoughts and feelings about this. I hid an abortion out of shame, but I feel it is so relevant to my story. To Eva’s story. I am not proud of it. When people ask me how many kids I have, I say 2 but in my heart, I say 3. I long to meet that child. But I can’t erase time. Tears and prayers help. But the idea of aborting based on T21….horrible. I get so tired of people making excuses that some couldn’t handle it….not everyone is as strong as me…ha! Strong? I failed my first child. I am a murderer. That will cling to me forever as I seek forgiveness. God has forgiven, but I haven’t.  

So how do these other women abort at 11, 12 + weeks and not hate themselves? Their baby was perfectly HEALTHY. They only knew they had an extra chromosome. So what? It isn’t a death sentence.

I want to tell you about my children’s names. Ian was born out of wedlock, and he was a difficult guilt-ridden pregnancy full of depression and anxiety. As I struggled with my previous abortion I chose his name as Ian. It is the Celtic version of John. My favorite book of the bible. John… God is forgiving….God is gracious. I needed a reminder of that, and I have it every day in my son. Then when I was pregnant with Eva, she was the next punch in the gut regarding abortion and painful memories. I chose a name she could hopefully say with ease. It’s a name that means LIFE.

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Photo Credit: Kelly Vandivert

Her middle name Victoria was on purpose as well. She will have a LIFE VICTORIOUS. And she will. She has brought our entire family more joy than we could ever imagine. She is amazing. And she is worthy. And all that superficial fear that makes us feel unworthy…she doesn’t have that. She embraces life abundantly and teaches me each day how to do so. How to heal from my past and allow myself to walk in the sunshine and to run with abandon. I wish the world would catch up to us. It would be a much better place. Eva has a role in this family and in this world, and I am honored to be her mother.

 

For more information about Down syndrome go to: The National Down Syndrome Society or at the National Association for Down Syndrome .
If anyone is seeking firsthand experience and would like to reach out to Kelly for support, she can be reached at kellyloveseva@gmail.com .
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marraige

When I was dating my husband I wouldn’t let him hold the door open for me. I refused to let him do some of the nice things that a gentleman does for a lady. Why? Because I had this warped notion of what it means to be a female in today’s society. It was so important for me to be strong, independent, and not have any need for a man in my life. When in all actuality all I thought about was wanting to be loved and in a relationship with a man.

I recently read a little gem of a book that probably should be on a list of what NOT to read if you are a feminist. It is titled, The Privilege of Being a Woman and it is written by a catholic woman named Alice Von Hildebrand. I absolutely love the book but there was one sentence that I really could identify with in terms of my own feminist view. She writes. “Yet we live in a world so deeply steeped in secularism that many of us are not even aware that we are influenced by its disastrous ideology.” That was me in my college years asserting my womanhood by not letting a man open a door for me. How silly! I was being influenced by the society around me even though I didn’t identify myself as a feminist.

When I married that man, who I refused to let open the door for me, I joked that I was going to take out the words “honor and obey” out of our vows. I even choked up on those words a little during the ceremony. If you watch the video footage I put a bit of sarcastic tone into the word “obey”. Maybe funny at the time but looking back at it I am sorry that I trivialized a really important word in our marriage.

My husband and I just celebrated 18 years of marriage and as I look back at how much marriage has changed me, I feel blessed to be a woman who finally figured out that whole “honor and obey” thing.

I used to think that letting a man hold a door open for me was a sign of my own weakness as a woman. Joking about the word obey was my own ignorance of what exactly the word “obey” means in a marriage. I wasn’t even aware of how much the secular feminist ideology had really influenced me and it took a toll on my marriage in the early years.

I bought into the 50/50 premise and if my husband didn’t do his part or what I felt was his part, I held it against him. I started tallying all the ways I was doing my part and for some reason I was always doing more, being more, and marriage was just an unfair equation.

God slowly changed my heart and I began to discover something that doesn’t come naturally to me— humility. I laid down all my desires, all my tallies, and scores in the marriage and I just began to serve my husband out of love. All those hard walls of independence and “I can open my own door” philosophies were wiped away and I discovered something in my marriage— love.

Now love was always there to begin with but something changed in me. I began to realize my weakness as a woman complimented the strength of my husband. I began to see the lie that our society tells us as young girls. “We are women, hear us roar” – overshadows the grace and love women can find out of a grateful heart to serve. Yes, that includes serving our husbands.

Hildebrand writes, “Humility is a virtue that finds little favor in the secularist world.” I might add, it’s not even in the feminist language.

I struggled for many years with finding my own happiness in my marriage, that it wasn’t till I relented and began to submit and concentrated on my husband’s happiness that I truly found contentment. Suddenly “honor and obey” made perfect sense.  I found joy in serving others and there was no more exhausting tallying or equations.

Matthew 20:28 says, “The son of man did not come to be served, but to serve…” Christ came to teach us that serving equals love. Can serving be abused in a marriage? Absolutely!  But the secular ideology that humbly submitting is somehow degrading is such a lie that we as women have bought into and it has created some unhealthy marriages and some very unhappy women.

Hildebrand writes, “Power, riches, fame, success, and dominance are idolized; humility, chastity, modesty, self-sacrifice, and service are looked down upon as signs of weakness.” As a Christian, I knew the importance of self-sacrifice but I didn’t know how to live it in my day-to-day life. Marriage taught me the beauty and strength in weakness. We have taken the word weak in society and have branded it as negative but in reality weakness, in the act of humility and service, produces love and in turn strength.

My marriage is not perfect but it is happy because serving dominates my thinking instead of doing it my way. My husband doesn’t always open the door for me and I don’t expect him to but when he does I thank him because that’s what marriage is– humbly considering one above the other– just as Christ did for all of us.

 

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santa

We’ve all heard about the war on Christmas. The politically correct season of “Happy Holidays” or the well wishes for a “Happy Season” without saying the potentially offensive word of CHRISTmas. I admit I use to get wrapped up in that war. I even almost bought one of those bumper stickers that said, “Keep Christ in Christmas”. I am over it and I have moved on to the war on Santa. Huh?

When my husband and I were new parents we had a little “discussion” about Santa. He grew up with the fun belief and child-like wonder of Santa. I did not. Now I never knew Santa as the “Satan” many extreme Christians made him out to be but we just didn’t grow up with the Santa thing. In fact, I had to keep my dis-belief on the down-low as not to offend or ruin the tradition of Santa for other family friends. So having my own children I just assumed my kids would follow my up-bringing with the fun to look at Santa but not to believe in. After all, I never wanted anything to take away from the true meaning of Christmas.

My husband had a different perspective. Fast forward almost 15 Christmas’ now with children and Santa is always alive and well each Christmas morning. We even have a red suit tucked away in our closet. If ever a girl could “backslide” into the down spiral of Santa ville um, that’s me.

So what changed for me in deciding Santa was okay? I admit I was apprehensive. As a parent, I wanted to instill the importance of Christmas and the birth of Christ in my children so they could learn to worship and honor the season with reverence. I didn’t want Santa to take anything away from that. Then I realized Santa and the many distractions that come with the holiday cannot take away the truth revealed through the celebration of the birth of Christ.

How silly to think that my husband and I would be somehow limiting the truth through Santa. You cannot limit the message of Christ when you genuinely worship the real meaning of the season. This became reality for me the other day when I read a sentence in a story my 9-year-old son wrote entitled, “Winter”. As he was describing why winter was his favorite season with snow and cold air he wrote, “We celebrate Christmas on the 25th because that’s when Jesus was born. I think the greatest gift I could ever get on Christmas is God and Jesus”. My eyes filled with tears as a mother reading that because Truth in my son’s heart is greater than fiction. No mention of the guy in the red suit who probably still might show up early this next Christmas morning.

Now I am not promoting Santa in any family. I didn’t grow up with the old jolly St. Nick and I don’t feel I was gipped of any Christmas wonder. I am just sharing for the sake of the war on Christmas and for all the Santa bashers that always appear around this time of year. If you truly live out your faith in front of your children and worship the true and living God, nothing will separate your children from the real truth in knowing Christmas is about the Savior born in a wooden manger and crucified on that forgiveness stained cross.

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I love Vacation Bible School! There are many reasons why I think VBS is wonderful and I believe every church (no matter how big or small) should commit to making sure VBS is a regular ministry program. I recently read a George Barna Update on the state of Vacation Bible School and I was disappointed to read that there has been a decline in VBS ministries among American churches. So I decided to put together my list of why VBS is important to the life of your church. I encourage you to read Barna’s update and rethink the importance of Vacation Bible School, if it is no longer a ministry of your church.

#1 Child Evangelism
Vacation Bible School is not for the regular attendees of the church. Yes your children might attend, volunteer and they might enjoy the summer program but the goal of VBS is to minister to children who may not attend church on a regular basis. Most VBS programs are designed to teach the message of salvation and keep the message simple to bring children to Christ. This gives the families of the church the opportunity to bring visitors. The fun summer program of VBS is a much more non-threatening environment than perhaps they might feel attending a traditional Sunday morning service. It also brings members out of their comfort zones and to the community beyond the walls of their church.

#2 VBS: Organized chaos but only for 1 week- Volunteer!
Anyone who has led or volunteered for VBS knows it is chaotic and at times crazy but when you lead a program for children of all ages that is the reality. Many adults do not volunteer because they do not like the chaos but it is only for one week and you have to weigh the outcome verse the chaos. Children are introduced to the message of Christ and although it is exhausting to put on a ministry, that perhaps is a bit crazy and non-traditional from the day to day ministries of your church, it is one week out of the year (not too much to ask).

#3 Leave your theology at home.
Okay, this might be a bit controversial but believe it or not Christians can even debate about a program like VBS. We all have our beliefs on raising children and even how we raise children according to scripture. VBS is not the time to bring your theological debates into the mix. Vacation Bible School is about reaching children and families with the message of the Cross. When we bring our theological debates into the mix we turn people away and we make church uninviting.

#4 Don’t make it about money
There is a huge money market right now with Vacation Bible School programs. I tend to think many companies are losing sight of the importance of VBS with over-capitalizing on the curriculum. Nevertheless, as costly as it can be to put on a VBS program there are always cheaper avenues to pursue. Do not let money be a factor in hindering your church from putting on a VBS program. According to Barna research, “nearly half of all Americans who accept Jesus Christ as their savior do so before reaching the age 13 (43%), and that two out of three born again Christians (64%) made that commitment to Christ before their 18th birthday.” Please don’t make the program about money but make it about teaching the gospel to the youngest members of your community- a far greater investment!

#5 Church is fun
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons why I have always loved VBS is because it is fun. I can laugh and be silly with children of all ages and because we can transform the walls of our church into a child’s adventure. I think it is important to show others, especially children, that loving God is fun and the message of Christ is not all about an adult’s world but it is about being a community where loving God and faith includes children.