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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

My son’s middle school does something that I love. Every semester the school hands out character value awards to nominated students.  A student is chosen by a teacher for displaying the following values: commitment, integrity, respect, and responsibility.

I’ll take a minute to brag that my children have received one of those awards on occasion. As a parent, it’s nice for your child to be recognized for character traits that you work hard to instill and model in your home. It is also a refreshing way to acknowledge a student outside the  academic world where everything seems to focus on test scores and grade point averages.

But I have to admit something, it feels like a lie. If character matters, why is it so rarely recognized and esteemed in the adult world?

You might be living under a rock if you don’t feel the great divide and hatred between people over political beliefs and social opinions. It’s intense and social media doesn’t help.

But this post isn’t about specific political opinions or pointing blame at groups, individuals, or even how we have allowed hateful discourse to fill all types of forums in our society. This post is how do we— as parents—teach our children values that they carry with them into adulthood? How do we—as parents— encourage our children to respect others who believe differently than us? How do we do this in the face of what seems like a character-less society?

I think I have the answer, but it is not easy. It requires some work in values like commitment, responsibility, respect, and even integrity. Are you ready? Drum roll….

Encourage your children to form friendships with others who think differently than them. *Gasp!

My husband and I have tried to instill our values in our children. We are a family that discusses faith, politics, and cultural issues-ad nauseam sometimes. We don’t shy away from talking about relevant topics, and we guide our kids to think through issues for themselves. I can’t express how important it is to have these types of discussions in your home.

But do you know where my kids begin to develop their opinions and beliefs fully? Not from us. Yes, we guide them on where to start their foundation of thinking, but they find their voice from talking to their friends who believe differently than them. It’s also where they have learned how to respect others and how to value friendships.

I have been encouraged by watching my children form relationships with others who think and believe very differently than they do. It’s encouraging to notice a bond grow where political or religious beliefs are not factors in their friendships. Some come from families who believe very differently than our family. But these friends have found a commonality between them. It’s a unity not driven by political, cultural, or social stances.

Now I realize that young people (under 18) don’t vote and some don’t understand the ramifications of political choices, yet.  But they do understand the value of respect and the commitment to friendship.

But I don’t see this type of respect in society today. In fact, I think we are getting further and further away from it. It’s like we have lost that child-like ability to see each other as humans first before our political or social belief systems.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

I wonder, will those kids—that bond of friendship— dissolve after high school when they notice the real world likes to congregate in bubble think groups—where collectivism reigns above individualism especially on college campuses? Will they forget about respecting people for the bond of friendship itself outside of political or religious affiliations? Will character values still matter?

I admit I like congregating with friends who think like me. It is nice having “amen” corners and sharing thoughts with people who agree with me. But here’s the lesson. You don’t grow in character in “amen” corners.  You don’t challenge yourself to have empathy and respect for others by congregating in groupthink communities. I have learned to stand firm in my beliefs and convictions not from friends who hold my ideals but from those who have challenged my beliefs. Character traits form in the face of opposition.  I am grateful for friends and family that have forced me to think for myself. It has helped me to grow and mature in my character.

The political divisiveness in this country is ugly, but it is not a political problem. It is a cultural problem. We solve it by choosing to emphasize character first and befriending people both inside and outside of our comfortable circles. It doesn’t mean we have to compromise our personal beliefs, but it is about making the conscious effort to respect people for being just that—people—before their politics or social stances. That takes a bit of work, and it requires an exercise in character. But maybe if we model that for our kids, and we keep rewarding them for it, they will continue to form bonds of friendships which are based on character and not on divisive idealism.

I have hope for our future. I have hope for my kids and the next generation. Let’s take a step back and make a commitment to put character where it needs to be.  First!

For our kids’ sake!

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They were four simple words, but they somehow triggered a great offense.

“Please bow your heads,” the woman said to the audience before her prayer.

Let me set the scene for you to understand the context.

I was sitting at a table among a group of high school students in an enormous room of nearly 1000 people. I was chaperoning at a service club convention. High school service clubs from all around the Mid-Atlantic States were meeting for a luncheon to honor students who exemplified what it means to give of themselves and serve others. Some of these students raised thousands of dollars and volunteered hours of their time to help people in need in their communities and poverty-stricken areas around the world. Great kids were surrounding me. Virtuous students who seem to understand that serving others is a blessing and brings positive change to the world around them.

So imagine my surprise when these same students reacted to the woman’s motion to bow our heads in prayer before the food was served. As I closed my eyes, I began to hear the gasps and whispers of contempt.

“What? This is ridiculous.”

“How can they do this?”

The prayer was simple and very generic, and as I looked up, I could see the students appalled by what had just happened. They started a discussion amongst each other.

One student asked, “Is that even legal?”

Another questioned, “Is our service organization affiliated with a religion?” (Gasp)

They then looked directly at the only Muslim student at the table. “How do you feel about that?” one student asked.

“It’s not a problem. It’s cool! I am fine with different faiths,” the Muslim student answered, dismissing their concerns.

Four simple words followed by a simple prayer triggered a great offense amongst the group.

I sat there as the only adult taking in their reaction. Throughout the day, I let that scene sink in and became more and more discouraged and sad for this future generation of intelligent, talented, service-orientated students. Many had already received letters of acceptance to some of the best universities in this country. A majority of them are top of their class and will graduate with honors. But I sat there thinking these are bright kids who don’t understand the freedoms in their own country.

American History and Civics are not being properly taught, and our schools are failing our kids!

I was sad that the students’ reaction showed the godlessness of their generation, but that’s not entirely what troubled me. We are free to believe or disbelieve in God. We have the choice not to embrace religion, but that choice is the beauty of America and what is now so misunderstood.

Public prayer is not the enemy of freedom. It is the very definition of liberty. Many of America’s schools do not teach this definition. Our brightest students and teachers are ignorant about America’s History and our founding ideals of religious liberty.

The student’s question of whether or not a public prayer is legal should not come from the voice of an American Citizen. You would hear in Communist China or North Korea where people are imprisoned for openly expressing their faith.

I’ll shout this from my rooftop. I’ll debate any history teacher or politician. Here are six words that will trigger the masses: You Can’t Have Freedom Without Faith!

What? Do I have to be religious? Must I believe in God for freedom?

No, absolutely not! You are free to believe just as much as you are free to disbelieve in this country. Choosing to live godless is also freedom of expression. But our Founders knew that freedom does not work without allowing the open expression of faith. Yes, even public prayer.

We are graduating students from our public schools and universities who do not understand this founding principle in our Constitution is troubling and even dangerous. Our teachers and students are so fixated on Thomas Jefferson’s “separation of Church and State” reference that they don’t even realize how that wrong interpretation is breaking down our liberties.

What if that prayer was illegal? Then there would be no separation of church and state in this country. That would mean our government could dictate when religious expression is appropriate. Our Founders were brilliant for understanding the role of faith when it comes to freedom. They wanted a country free to express faith both in and outside the walls of our churches.

Freedom is about publicly bowing your head to pray for your food or choosing not to engage in that simple, unthreatening act of religious freedom. The state or federal government cannot convict someone because they publicly prayed amongst a group of believers or non-believers. That would be persecution and tyranny.

What makes America so unique is that we are free to live out our faith openly.

The government cannot and should not get involved in how we choose to live out our religious beliefs. But America is changing. Our government is now regulating faith expression, and our kids are buying into it. This is not America! The fact that the Supreme Court has ruled against prayer in our public schools demonstrates that the First Amendment is not protected.

Our country seems limitless in the “freedom” to express ourselves. Free to love who we want to love. Free to define our gender in the way we want. Free to publicly express our opinions through activism. But public prayer is now the new trigger for offensive speech?

The sad, ironic part of my story is that I was sitting amongst a group of students who are some of the most giving and selfless young people in this country. The fact that they have servants’ hearts is a great reflection of who they are as Americans. But they don’t understand that the very fact that they live in a free society is why they can sit there and be rewarded for their generosity. Freedom is a gift, and it’s a gift from God- whether you choose to believe in God or not. It’s why the Statue of Liberty holds her torch and has offered this freedom to millions around the world. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…” as quoted at the base of Miss Liberty.

Teach your kids our country’s history. Please don’t depend on your child’s teacher to teach it to them. Study the Founders. Buy books that represent the true American ideal of freedom as it was founded. Celebrate the heroes of this country that believed in and fought for the freedoms we take for granted in America. Teach your children to love America: who we are, why we were founded, our failures and successes, and how our freedoms in this country have helped to serve so many around the world. Most importantly, don’t hide your religious expression behind the walls of your church. Live out your faith freely!

Maybe you think I have been too “triggered” by the offense of prayer by these students. But when discussing with my daughter this sad event, she said something that resonated with the importance of this blog post. She reacted, “Welcome to my world, Mom.”

I don’t want my daughter to live in a country where she has to keep her faith private for fear of offense or retribution. Faith should be included if we have the freedom to come out of the closet (so-to-speak) with any other self-expression. In a room filled with people who love to serve others, I hope that service would be the crux for teaching equality and the “unalienable rights” of “life, LIBERTY, and happiness.”

And everyone said, “AMEN!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I still can’t get those images out of my head. Women were marching on Washington clad in vagina suits and pink pussy hats. Just writing that sentence irks me. Am I really raising my daughters in this crude society of women?

The words of Ashley Judd’s speech at the Women’s March on January 21, 2017, still have me shaking my head in disbelief. She recited a poem from a nineteen-year-old expressing outrage about our current president. Ironically, the poem railed against Trump’s past vulgar remarks with equal poetic vulgarity. It ended like this, “Our p__sies are for our pleasure. They are birthing new generations of filthy, vulgar, nasty, proud, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, you name it for new generations of nasty women.”

Me: No, thank you!

Modern-day feminism has resorted to crassness instead of respectfulness. Women who call out injustices, inequalities, and a man’s vulgar remarks with equal vulgarity…I guess modern-day feminism has risen to the occasion.

Today’s women’s movement uses celebrity platforms of women who think they speak for all of us. Their political and social opinions are wrapped in hatred, anger, and a cry for justice that looks more like self-centered relativism. It’s not a society of women I want to raise my daughters in. I refuse to raise a generation of vulgar females because it is not who God created women to be.

I recently did a study on the book of Ruth amidst all of the recent news on women’s speeches and marches. Now juxtapose this recent news with Ruth’s story, and you might be able to find the humor in it with me. Today’s women are screaming about their inequalities, and then there’s Ruth. She loses her husband and her only means of income in a culture that does not treat women with equal footing as men.

Yes, yes, it was a different time and place in history, but you have to look at this woman and realize there is a reason her story is set aside as a complete book of the Bible. She is the exact opposite of the characteristics that define modern-day feminism. She was humble, selfless, giving, honest, hard-working, and defined love as serving others over her needs. You don’t find Ruth on a platform screaming about her “rights.” Instead, she’s picking up scraps of grain behind harvesters so that she and her mother-in-law would have food to eat.

If you have never read the book of Ruth, I won’t give the story away. You have to read it to understand that charity defined her life, and eventually, her selflessness redeemed her widow’s story. A redemption story that ultimately would become a divine legacy.

The story of Ruth is really about what it means to be a generation of women who follow Christ. It celebrates womanhood amidst the struggles of life and real injustice. There are no words of self-empowerment, filth, vulgarity, or pride. Ruth is the very definition of what I want to teach my daughters to be in this ‘nasty woman’s world.’

Women who use their talents and strengths to serve others.

Women who find worth and value in their relationship with Christ.

Women who see humility as a strength and not a weakness.

Women who value their sex with virtue and respect.

Women who celebrate life and the God-given miracle of carrying a child in her womb or in their adoptive arms.

 Women who celebrate their differences with men and find equality in those differences.

 Women who don’t strive for perfection but emulate grace through all the struggles and imperfections of life.

Raising my daughters with a biblical worldview over modern-day feminism is not popular. It’s turning away from all things progressive and marching against a tide of women who will look down on them and probably ridicule them. I don’t care! We will not be judged or known by how loud we scream and our “performance” in this secular world. Instead, like Ruth, if we follow the call of Christ in our lives, we will be known for our charity and humility.

I have this t-shirt that says, “Ruth. Mary. Sarah. Esther. #Squad Goals.” It’s a reminder of the women I want to emulate in my life—biblical representations of women who followed Christ in a culture that often rejected the things of God. I am nowhere near imitating the selfless characteristics of Ruth. She’s a squad goal, but she’s also my hopes and dreams for a future generation, especially the young women I raise.

I’ll keep wearing my biblical #squad goals t-shirt against the tide of pink p__sy hats. It might not be popular, but I’d much rather carry the title of Christ-follower than feminist.

 

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Photo courtesy of theradiancefoundation.org

The only way to describe it is my soul just grieves.

The undercover videos from the Center for Medical Progress have caught everyone’s attention on social media. In the initial video, Planned Parenthood’s senior director of medical services Dr. Deborah Nucatola is caught casually eating her lunch while describing how she kills babies in routine abortions – all while carefully trying to preserve fetal body parts for outsourcing.

It was mind-dumbing to watch. How could a person talk so casually about human life, and in such a callous and calculated way?

But really, why am I surprised? As a writer, I have done enough research on the subject to discover that many medical and pharmaceutical companies use fetal organs for research purposes. Those human remains have to come from somewhere.

I am also not shocked at the fact that Planned Parenthood is the largest provider of abortions in this country- with a staggering average of 327,000 abortions a year.

But in order to face the facts about abortion in this country, I do what many other people do: I compartmentalize this type of horror. It’s not a part of my immediate world so I draw a curtain over it and try to forget what I cannot change.

These viral videos are a dose of reality for all of us who try to place a veil over what we know is the reality in our world. We came face to face with evil, and she looks just like us. She acts just like us while casually enjoying a lunch. She is the product of what our society has become and there’s no way to describe it but soul grieving.

As I began to grieve over the reality of that undercover video, I decided to ask God for a scripture to encourage me that He is in control even amidst such evil. I decided to look up my daily Bible scripture on my phone app;  Proverbs 22:6 was the day’s verse. “Train up a child in the way they should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Well, I thought obviously that didn’t really apply and I began to search my bible for more revelation to the day’s events.

The next day, as I was scrolling through article after article – some commenting on Planned Parenthood’s callousness for human life, and nearly every news organization coming to its in defense- Proverbs 22:6 came back to me.

I have always read that verse as a reminder to train my children in God’s Word, but I never really  thought about how that scripture applies to guiding my  children through the everyday events of our world. Walking out God’s commandments is about teaching our children how to apply those commands to the world they live in, where evils like abortion exist.

I asked God to encourage me, and instead he gave me a mission call.

I may not be able to end abortion today, or control the reality of evil that I often want to pretend isn’t there – but I can train my children to love the value of God-given life.

My generation has grown up with abortion as a part of our society. We’ve grown up with the lie that abortion is the answer to a mistake. But the world will never be able to teach our children what we know through the love of Christ: redemption and mercy.

I want my children to understand what abortion is, and I filter the events of our world based on their ages. As parents, we need to share with our kids how we react to the evil we see in the world. If we don’t, they will only witness the reaction of the world that rejects God’s commands and sees abortion as a solution.

Don’t throw a curtain over the world’s events to shield your children from evil. Evil exists and it’s our job to train them to live among the darkness offering hope that only Christ can bring.

My children know that abortion is a sin, but more importantly I want them to be able to understand that Christ already paid a price for our sins. I want them to know that life is messy, and there is evil in this world. Yet there is a freedom we can walk in that the world will never be able to give.

I hope my children are never faced with an unplanned pregnancy. I hope they understand that they are sinners and they live in a fallen world. I hope and pray that they understand forgiveness and grace so that they might be able to help future friends who are caught in what seems like an impossible situation.

I hope that my children know that abortion is never the answer because God’s grace is sufficient for all our needs. Sometimes God uses the ugly events of our world to remind me of my life mission as a parent.

As parents, God has given us all we need to change the world- if we just train up our children in the way they should go. This doesn’t mean there won’t be struggle and hardship; it means there will be freedom to walk out the unexpected in their lives.

I pray one day that there will be an end to abortion in my children’s lifetime. I pray that organizations like Planned Parenthood are put out of business from profiting off of destroying life. But until then, as a parent, I have a mission to train my children about the precious value of all human life.

The world gives us abortion as an answer but God gives us an ocean of grace that says, “Choose life and watch what I can redeem.” Let’s train up our children so that they can offer up that same grace, a grace  the world fails to recognize.

“These commandments that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:6-9

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Several years ago, I started this blog because I began to notice how important it was for religion and politics to mix. The importance is about religious liberty in America and what helped me to understand was a book I read by Eric Metaxas titled “Bonhoeffer”. The book is the life story of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German minister who stood up against Hitler’s evil regime during Nazi Germany.

While attending CPAC 2014, I had the opportunity to sit down with Eric Metaxas and talk more about religious liberty and its vital importance in this country. You can read my interview here.

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I was once carrying a child. It was not a fetus or blob of tissue but a developing baby. I remember the nurse consoling me that this fetus had no heartbeat. She said to me, “It is not a death just an absence of what was needed to become human”. Then why did I feel such sorrow? I was barely two months pregnant but I had already experienced an overwhelming amount of emotions with this new baby developing inside of me. I was excited to have a sister or brother for my one year old daughter. What would this child look like? Would it be a boy or girl?

The news was devastating that this baby would not be. Why was I feeling such sorrow over a child I had not even held? I remember praying and asking God to help me understand why this baby was not allowed to be a part of our family. I then had this beautiful picture in my mind. There were hands, cupped together and holding many things inside. I realized as small as those things were, they were not things but babies. Millions and millions of babies kept inside His hands. Those hands were cupped not just to catch but to protect and hold tightly. There were too many babies to count. I knew that my child was there, in His hands, for a reason I might not ever know.

Whenever I hear the word abortion that picture comes to my mind. They were not fetuses or what was called, “an absence of what was needed to be human” but fully formed babies in His hands. I remember crying to God feeling not just my own sorrow but the sorrow God feels for those babies who were not given the opportunity to live. I realized that God gave me but a glimpse of His pain over abortion. My loss was accidental but His loss through abortion is tragic.

There are so many circumstances and emotions wrapped up in the decision to have an abortion. I have a different perspective with the loss of a baby. It is not just from my own personal experience but from my brief picture, I believe, God gave to me. Abortion should be seen through God’s eyes. It should be felt through His sorrow. The child I lost early was not mine but His and was taken by His timing. There are too many babies being caught by His hands by the untimely decision of others. Abortion is not a personal choice of an undeveloped fetus. It is the death of millions of babies caught by the hands of God in unbelievable pain and sorrow.

To understand the horrors of abortion please view the following documentary video about Kermit Gosnell and his killing spree of innocent women and babies.

http://3801lancaster.com/

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The Velvet Brick is now a contributing writer for a women’s conservative news site. Here is my latest article on an important subject that is stirring up a lot of media attention. Here is an excerpt and a link to the site.

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During CPAC among the up and coming “political rock stars” like Ben Carson, Marc Rubio and Rand Paul there was a speech that I felt wasn’t given enough attention. Eric Metaxas, known for his bestselling books like Bonhoeffer and his Prayer Breakfast speech of 2012, made a compelling speech at CPAC on religious freedom. I too overlooked it until I revisited the text of his speech and realized just what is at stake for our country if we neglect to uphold the First Amendment to our constitution. What brought me back to his speech was basically a cup of coffee. Let me explain…

To read more go to: http://politichicks.tv/column/religious-freedom-vs-a-cup-of-coffee-huh/